No, those two things are not related. If it were that easy, hipsters would be a positive force in the world. I am never allowing this to happen.
So yes. This is basically a place for my extended ramblings and a place to let out the feels and such. I ramble a lot on Twitter, and my handwriting is atrocious, so a blog is arguably better for me than a diary. Just ask any single one of my teachers in secondary school. They argued I should become a doctor because of it actually. Sadly, I don’t do especially well around blood. Or sick people. And loathed chemistry with a passion. See what I mean? Rambling. Words fall out of the head and onto the laptop. Ideal.
In any case, I’ve thought about this a few times before, but just sort of confirmed it for myself tonight (shoutout to Amy who gave me the push to sign up for WordPress). I’ll see if I actually end up coming back to it, or if this will just be a one-off. I hope not. I’d like to commit to something like this and blog about neat stuff occasionally. Mostly it’ll be ramblings about complete nonsense. Sorry about that.
Feel like the place to begin tonight is with my dream, and it’s something I talked about on Twitter earlier tonight. I’ve got a dream of changing the world. Sob story time. Growing up, I’ve never been the happiest person. I’ve never really “fit in”, so to speak and been a bit of an outcast in most social situations, where I struggle. Par for the course with the autism I suppose. So I’ve had a lot of contradictory wants over the years. While I want to fit in and be “normal” and be accepted by my peers (and I’m definitely getting there), I want the attention I’ve maybe been denied, or at least feel like I’ve been denied (justifiably or otherwise). I want to celebrate my difference and be something special. I want to be remembered. That’s probably at least part of the reason I fell into acting, though there’s more to it than that. That’s a story for another time though. The important bit for now is that I don’t feel strong enough as an actor or as a person to take that professionally. So obviously, I wanted to look for something else, and with criminology, I think I’ve found that. I’ve developed a passion for wanting to change the way things are and expose the crimes of the powerful. That’s why I intend to take on an internship with the International State Crime Initiative and pursue a Masters, then a PhD. I can see myself in research, and maybe lecturing some day. Impressioning young minds and whatnot. I know I’ll always have acting in my life in some capacity at least.
Earlier this summer, I met a woman I consider to be one of my heroes: Caitlin Moran. Badass feminist, writer, journalist and all around mad-as-hell woman (also hot as hell in my *expert* opinion, though very beside the point). She was doing a tour to promote her new book, How To Build a Girl (excellent by the way) and I met her at the signing afterwards. She proved to be every bit as personable as she came across on stage and on Twitter, and gave me a massive hug, but it’s what she said to me that has really stuck with me this summer. Firstly, she called me beautiful. For someone I admire so much to say something like that, with my self-esteem? Very much a mind-blowing moment for me. But more importantly, she told me to go and change the world, which was very much a theme during her talk. It was one of those nights that confirmed everything I believe in and drove me to go after things even harder. I’m going to change the world somehow. Not just for me. Not just for Caitlin. But for the world itself.
It’s going to be hard. Of course it’s going to be hard; if it were easy, then everyone would do it. And if I can do that by exposing massive crimes or teaching young minds, then I’m going to consider my life one well spent. Until that day. I’ve got nothing to do other than work towards that and be the best person I can be. The kindest. The most caring, gentle and loving person I can. The most intelligent, the most driven and hardworking person I can. I’m not going to achieve every goal I put out there of course not. Hell, this summer I had three goals: Give a solid performance in Braxton, the upcoming slasher movie in 2015 (which will probably feature a lot in this blog), get fit and get part time work. In my opinion, I just about scraped the first one, and the other two didn’t happen at all. But those are just things to keep working towards as well. I’m 21 years old and so far from complete that it’s not even funny. All that’s left to do then is to keep going.